Dear Kuya Eddie,
Wala pang nakakasampal sa akin. Ngunit nitong umaga lang, ang pinakaunang taong sumampal sa akin na kung saan ay naramdaman kong masmababa pa ako sa pinakamababang uri ng hayop ay ang aking nakakatandang kapatid. Iyon ay dahil sa isang pagkakamaling na maaari namang i-wasto. At siyempre pa, maaari namang daanin sa magandang usapan, iyong mahinahon na usapan.
Pakiwari ko kanina na ako ay tinotorture ng mga pulis. Pakiramdam ko ay lalamunin akong buhay ng kanyang mga nanlilisik na mata. At dahil sa isang maling iyon ay natakpan na ang mga ginagawa kong effort para makapagtapos ng aking pag-aaral.
Pakiramdam ko kanina na hindi lang yung mukha ko yung nasampal niya. Pakiramdam ko ay pati ang aking katauhan, ang aking kaluluwa ay nasampal niya rin. Tila nagkaroon ng crack tulad sa baso ang aking pagkatao na kaunti na lang ay mababasag na.
Pero hindi ako papatinag Kuya Eddie. Hindi ako papatinag dahil sa isang sampal na iyon. Hinding hindi ko iyong hahayaan.
Napakasakit Kuya Eddie…
Lola Connie is the mother of our Mom. We celebrated her birthday at Sta. Maria, Bulacan (at the house of Tita Nelia). However, Lola Connie died some time ago due to diabetes. And yes, our dear grandmother has a sweet tooth. When Lola Connie was still alive, she would cook kutsinta, ginataan, ubeng halaya, leche flan, and suman. We never ran out of desserts during special occasions like Christmas. In fact, we would even bring home some of the desserts and our ultimate favorites are kutsinta, lecha flan and suman.
I have not heard Mommy and my aunts and uncles talk about Lola Connie the way they were talking about her this afternoon. I’ve heard their eulogies years back but they were crying that time. Now, they just looked back at those memories with a smile and not shedding a tear.
Just before going home, we went to the cemetery where Lola Connie was buried. It has really been a long time since I have gone there. The feeling was different when Tito Jun asked all of us to hold hands together and pray for Lola Connie. I felt good afterwards and I felt that we are all united at that very moment, that we have all the same sentiments together regarding Lola Connie.
My sister Claudia, Me, and Kuya Jay at Fernwood Gardens, QC at the wedding of our cousin Joemar.
After having a 3-hour long exam at Ortigas, I went to the wedding of my cousin which was held at Fernwood Gardens, Quezon City. I arrived late and I have not witnessed the Bridal March. I asked if Mom has brought her camera with her and she said that they left it at home and that already screwed my chance for joining the Philippine Daily Inquirer and Canon Photo Contest. The place of the wedding (Saint Francis of Assisi Chapel) was decorated with flowers. At the right side of the altar, there is a pond with falls where the statue of Saint Francis of Assisi was located. And I missed taking the photos of such a wonderful place and such a momentous event. By the way, the picture above was taken using my brother’s camera phone.
Justin and Lance in their school uniform with their Dad
This picture was taken on their first day of school last Wednesday. Obviously, my brother was excited about it. I just do not know if they had been good boys at school and they are not bullying the other kids. Hehe.
Alas, my nephews will already be going to school. This coming Wednesday is their first day of classes. I’m excited because they will meet new friends and also, they are really now toddlers. However, I am also afraid because they may bully their classmates or it may be the other way around.
Okay, now is the time for reminiscing. I remember that when I first went to Immaculate Heart of Mary School, I was accompanied by my big brother. And I remembered that I cried when he left me at the classroom with people I barely knew since he also have his classes to attend to.
Wednesday would embark the day that my brother would be going to school to see how his kids will do on their first day of classes. I would want to go on their first day too, I would like to see my nephews on their uniforms. I would like to see them impress their teacher with their new antics. I would like to see them play with their classmates. Definitely, I would not like to see them making their teacher cry. I would not like to see them bullying other kids and vice versa.
Well, the subject heading may remind you of the movie anti-trust but I do not refer to that one. Just this early afternoon, we were at our Mom’s place and we were watching The Last Samurai. Then I was asking for allowance and my brother goes, “Si Karla, di naman yan pumapasok eh.. di yan gumagawa ng thesis..” I do not care if it he meant it as a joke or not but then I know that it will build a not-so-good impression on my Mom. And so, I said, “Pumapasok naman ako ah.. sabi pa nga ng department head namin ang sipag daw namin kasi since summer nakikita nya kami sa school araw-araw”. After that, my Mom asked for the number of our Thesis adviser and I did not hesitate to give it to her.
Now tell me, is that a way to treat a 22-year-old? Instead of giving me a boost of my self-confidence it’s like I’m just being dragged down. They do not see my efforts at all. I myself know better that I am doing my best, working my ass (pardon for the term) off to graduate.
I know that I am one-term delayed. And I am aware that it is partly my fault and I have learned from it. We were delayed one term because the situation called for it. Choose from the following: (a) enrol MAPROJ3 (last part of thesis) and spend a lot of money for the whole thing to work and then later on fail or (b) drop MAPROJ3 and enrol it after the one-year OJT giving us ample time to change our topic and finish it. You cannot blame me why did I chose the latter since I am just being practical about it. And frankly, it is such a pain in the ass (sorry for the term again) if they would rant and rant that I should have marched this June and not 3 months after. They were ranting that I should not have my OJT in this company blah blah because the pay does not sound good to them. For me, I do not care about the pay. It was part of the strategy, my plan. The strategy was like this, I had my OJT there because I know that it would be beneficial for our thesis and even though I told my brother about it he disapproved of it and the same thing goes with my parents. I just hope that when I march wearing my Toga, I hope that they would realize that sometimes, there are decisions that I should be the one taking care of.
If you are a parent to a 3-year-old kid and he told you that “Di Kita Love” or even “Di Kita Bati”, how would you feel? I guess, that would be the worst thing to hear from your child even if he or she is just having moodswings. Just the thought of your son or daughter telling it to you right on your face would be the most hurting thing. In addition to that, that kind of statement from a child would rather give you a feeling of insecurity. Insecurity because one could react to it as to thinking that if his or her efforts in parenting his or her child are not enough and would lead to the thought of not being a good parent. Also, if the parents are separated, one could think that the other parent is brainwashing the child.
This what if question actually happened to my brother. I knew that my brother felt bad upon hearing this from one of his kids. I felt bad too because I know how much my brother love his sons. And I know that my brother wants to have full custody of his children rather than just spending with them only on weekends.